I know I have mentioned this topic here and there throughout my blog posts but today I lay it all out there. As promised the good the bad and the ugly of this entire experience. The truth is I honestly thought that I would be losing weight during chemo just like chemo patients do in the movies. Some chemo definitely does cause severe weight loss as the medication can often make you sick, reduce your appetite and even reduce your ability to drink fluids. Getting the news of my diagnosis was very stressful as you can imagine, so between the months of September and November before starting chemo I was eating everything in sight and I was definitely drinking wine pretty much every night. We had just moved to Montreal so there was fun in getting food from our favorite places from when we used to visit here and of course trying tons of new restaurants around us. I saw no issue with what I was doing again because I thought I would lose weight during treatment. So between September and November I probably gained about 25 lbs. No joke.
After a few chemo treatments I quickly realized I was not losing weight and in fact even though I had cleaned up my diet, was trying to do cardio here and there and stopped drinking wine completely, I was actually gaining weight. After speaking with my doctor about this she explained that my chemo actually has medication/steroids in it to increase your appetite, cause weight gain and water retention. Great.😳 And since I struggled SO much with digestion as well there was really nothing I could do about it. During the entire time I was going through chemo I had good days and I had bad regarding my mental health. Some weeks I would be super positive, eat healthy, get outside for walks and other weeks I would barely get out of bed. I tried to tell myself no matter how I feel its ok. You are going through something traumatizing and there is no right or wrong. But knowing that no matter what I do regarding my health and fitness I will still gain weight was a really tough pill for me to swallow. So between the months of November and April during chemo I gained another 25 lbs. That puts me up 50 lbs so far.
It doesn’t end there. Once I was done chemo I wanted to celebrate and the only comfort I could get during social distancing/isolation was MORE FOOD. Trust me admitting this is not easy for me, especially considering what my career is. I coach my clients to make the right food choices no matter what is going on in their life. I know that having cancer and going through chemo is not a normal occurrence and that some of the weight gain is not my fault, but I am still very ashamed. I wish I could blame all of the weight gain on chemo I really wish I could, but some of it is most definitely self sabotage. I would say in the last month since being done chemo I have probably gainer another 5 lbs.
I am now 55lbs overweight which I have gained in 8 months. I am BY FAR the heaviest I have ever been. It does not feel good at all. Being this size AND having a little boys haircut is NOT a good look for me lol. I don’t have any clothes that fit so I often wear Chris’s. I am SUPER lucky to have a man like Chris as I have mentioned before about how amazing he has been throughout all of this, but especially with my weight gain. He makes me feel beautiful every single day. And he says he can’t complain about the weight gain when it’s everything that gets bigger 😜 hahaha
I have spoken to a few ladies I met during the Hope and Cope Fight Cancer Club Retreat and they too are struggling to lose their chemo weight gain so I know I am not alone in this. But with the summer fast approaching I am feeling the pressure! As a personal trainer I not only want to talk the talk but walk the walk! 💪
So last week I finally got my head on straight and cleaned up my diet and started getting in tons of water. I even managed a few days of biking outside or inside on our stationary bike. I also snapped some “before” pics to really make this official. I am lucky I know what to do to lose weight but because my body is not as strong as it used to be and my energy is nowhere near what it used to be, this is going to be a challenge for me not just physically but mentally.
I will keep you all in the loop as I go! Time to start using my slimming chin strap! lol 🤣
Side note: My hair is starting to grow in more, eyelashes are back completely but still only about 25% of my eyebrows are back.